10 Things to do While You Wait for 'The One'
I’m slow dancing to sweet sweet music with the love of my life, kissing in the rain (princess diaries style), travelling the world together and getting married before I clock 25, in my head that is.
My teenage self viewed finding “the one” and getting married as the biggest achievement - after the good school, great job, fancy house and flashy car.
Coming from Western Africa, Nigeria to be precise, didn't help my ideologies as well. After my high school graduation you could easily add headhunter to my bio because boy was I searching! During my time as a headhunter, I got into several relationships as short-term as short-term can be and some medium-term ones.
Being in several intimate relationships in itself isn't a bad thing however my motive was.
I looked to the man I’d fall in love with as my saviour, my knight in shining armour. I wrote him out in my head so many times having attributes that appealed to me - he was going to love me, save me, provide for me, fill a void in me and fix me. I was a broken teenage girl, naive and unaware of the world.
In searching and finding emptiness, I eventually found me.
In waiting for “the one” here are a few tips I'll suggest:
Don’t wait | 2. Find yourself | 3. Forgive | 4. Be honest | 5. Look inward
| 6. Discover your tribe | 7.Find a hobby | 8. Unlearn | 9. Be positive | 10. Enjoy being single
Yes, you heard right. Don't wait. Waiting seemingly is putting your life on hold, while you wait for some human to find you. If you want to travel the world, do it. You want to get your first property? Do it! You do not need to be in a relationship with someone else to live that life of adventure, or get the things you dreamed of.
I’m sure we’ve all heard the love yourself phrase, and come across several posts on instagram talking about same. Loving yourself is underwhelmingly underrated. You need to know what makes you tick, what makes you laugh so much your belly hurts, what your values are, what your dreams are and ultimately, what your purpose in life is.
You need to live a life of significance. It really is a blessing to wake up to a new day every day and we shouldn't take it for granted. You owe it to yourself to live and not merely exist, you owe it to yourself to live your best life.
It’s okay to have a bad past, but don’t hold on to it. Admit your weaknesses, the hurt and pain you are feeling and hiding. Everyone has issues, everyone has hurt and been hurt, but move on. Forgive yourself for hurting someone and forgive the person or people that hurt you and let it go! Holding on to baggage from your past puts you in a stagnant position where there is no room for growth.
You need to liberate yourself by shedding off all the heavy weights of hurt and pain and resentment you’ve carried over the years. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
You often find that people wear an ‘I’m okay’ smile. It’s okay to not be okay. The worst person you can lie to is yourself. Don't lie about being mentally, physically, financially, emotionally and spiritually fit when indeed your are not, and are struggling.
It’s okay to ask for help, it’s okay to see a therapist, it's okay to join a support group. Your health in all aspects is a priority.
What’s going on in your heart, mind and soul? You might be in a season where all your boxes are being ticked off, everything you wished for is happening, you are blossoming. That's great, but keep at it, maintain that positive mindset because seasons change and you’ll need that great attitude when things are rocky.
If you're in a rough season, hang in there, things will get better. Change the way you respond to issues, look for learning points in any and everything life throws at you.
Your response to things matter because they will ultimately shape you to be the best version of yourself. You might need to clean house, break up addictions or even toxic relationships in your life.
You might be looking for Mr. Right or Mrs. Right because everything else seems wrong.
Discover your tribe
Emphasis on ‘friends’ not people you mess around with because you’re lonely. Invest in friendships that are worth your time, people that’ll support you and cheer you on.
People that’ll always remind you to hold your head up when life is tough. If you already have amazing friends in your life, treat them right and nurture your relationships. Remember, no one is an island.
Find a hobby
Fall in love with something that's not a human being. It could be hiking, cooking, painting, dancing, whatever. Find activities that you love and enjoy and do them. Be productive with your time. Overall, do what makes you happy.
Sometimes the growth process requires you to learn and also unlearn some things. Experiences in life give new perspectives and throw more light on old ones.
Have an open mind in every situation, you never know what might come out of it.
Your perspective in life determines a lot. For one, it establishes a mindset. And you are pretty much what you think. Think healthy positive thoughts no matter how hard life might seem.
The military even teaches optimism to improve soldiers mental toughness. Studies have shown that confidence and sometimes overconfidence enhances performance. Being optimistic doesn't imply being unrealistic, it just means choosing to control your perception and stay positive.
Like Queen Bey said: when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Enjoy being single
Take yourself out on dates, hang out with your friends, go on trips together. Someday you’ll be married with kids and some of your friends will too and there wouldn't be as much time to share with them as your new family will become a priority.
While you’ll always be there for your friends and loved ones, the dynamics of your relationship with them will change.
Mr. Right or not, we all need to be growing and healing. Stop waiting and start dreaming, learning, unlearning and living. Who knows? The one might just pop up when you’re not looking.
Knowing yourself and focusing on your health will not only make you find ‘the one’ but you’ll be ‘the perfect one’ for someone else. Be yourself. The world deserves the best version of you!
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